Opera Sucks

I went to the opera Die Fledermaus this weekend and it kind of sucked. Don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those insecure men who claims to hate art because the arts challenge their masculinity or something. There some things that could be considered to be fine art that I really enjoy, but my decision of whether or not I enjoy anything is purely based on merit. Therefore, let me say once more that the opera sucks. The performers were great, the time and effort that they put into it was considerable and commendable; however, the actual opera itself sucked pretty hard. Here is why:

1. The plot line was absolutely stupid. Let me sum it up. 3 years previously, rich German guy #1 gets rich German guy #2 drunk while he is wearing a bat costume and leaves him passed out in the middle of town square. Rich guy #2 is apparently one of the most vindictive men in the world because his revenge includes throwing rich German guy #1 in prison and getting both him and his wife to be unfaithful to each other. Wow! That is hilarious! But here are my major questions. Did rich German guy #2 ever consider that it was kind of his fault that he got silly drunk while dressed up like a bat? I don’t know much about drinking, but I think that standard etiquette is that any time you get piss drunk while wearing a funny costume, anything that anyone does to you is pretty much fair game. Secondly, why would anyone ever think this is funny?

2. Let me just say, male ballet dancers in tights. Good lord, why do male ballet dancers have to wear such revealing tights. Yes, we live in a brutal double standard. If a girl wears the same pants it is hot, but once a dude puts on tights I throw up a little. Male ballet dancers might as well just walk around naked with puffy shirts, because that’s pretty much what they do anyway, they might as well not wear the tights and save a little money.


3. The thing was like 5 hours long. Did anyone ever tell the dude that wrote the opera that I expect all entertainment to last 90 minutes, and anything lasting any longer needs to star Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis, or Chuck Norris; have at least 3 car chases, explosions, swordfights, and/or a combination of the three; and have the words blood, sport, brave, heart, highlander, rocky, gladiator, and some ridiculous combination of roman numerals after it.